Poe called it 'The Imp of Perversion'

Walking to pick up Pop-pops from school, going thru a crosswalk dangerously close to a car speeding on up, i thought to myself that maybe i wouldn't mind so much - getting run over. At the train station waiting for my mother's train to arrive...Pop-pops and i were sitting on a big cement bench, maybe ten feet away from the approaching train....i was transfixed by the machinery under the train and entertained the idea of my body on the rails. i was secretly thrilled that there were no officials around to stop me.. My thoughts are getting darker & darker; seriously maudlin things. Maybe it's the season. I blatantly hate X-mas and admitted that out loud today. Sorry Jesus. It's beyond my usual avoidance.. The neighbors invited Pop-pops over to help decorate and i overheard the mom reading out all their names on the stockings. i was kinda grossed out by all the tinsel and blinky cheap decorations...we have no stockings, nor do i want to purchase any. My childhood christmas crap got pilfered during the eviction process and i now have no desire to be jolly or deck the halls or fake a belief in Santa.... maybe it's my shitty attitude about most things that's taken an even shittier turn for the worse. hmph