Monday, March 29, 2010

okay so now i'm learning the lyrics to Ave Maria

Staying with my friend who teaches American Sign Language. Her house is very Rooomy/way Nice; she's the most hospitable chick with a big boisterous family that just goes on (happily & normally)about their familial business. Zoe the dog is relaxed for the first time in 6 months! Pop-pops is being all squished & squishy! Things are Good Again so i  feel (when my friend who is letting us live w/her for a bit  - omg when she totally signs a song called Hallelujah in Soprano WITH HER HANDS)...Poppity Pops, Zoe Pearl and i are in the presence of  the most hopeful/comforting of angels, for real. It's very very Beautiful.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Sometimes my OUTLOOK is Unfocused

mostly when i'm fucking Stressed & worried as all Hell about a roof over our head
..but then, when i happen to look Thru it? Instead of (all the time) @ it - aforementioned Outlook expanded homeless schmomeless state of affairs...

[pretty cool lookin']

Monday, March 08, 2010

OH! this kid of mine! Thank you, Tortilla Mary

for letting me be his mother. i Love him SO! from the top of his cowlicked head to the tips of his dancing dirty little bare feetz


Sunday, March 07, 2010

Spilt Coffeeman

knocked my mug over onto a paper plate and There he was! sometimes art is accidental embelished. that's how we roll around here, plus i keep spillin' my damn coffee!! travel mugs with no handles that are Tall and cylindrical are Not a good idea. but i do Love coffee....

Saturday, March 06, 2010

The Bus! The busss the bus the bus the busss & how we still love it

How YOU doooooinn??

It's Saturday night, ya'll & this is where i am:
the more times i've rolled one of them goddam rolling suitcases like a vagrant...the higher my chin got!  also: it helps when i picked out the slutty animal print suitcases....i've been dabbling in the self portraiture otra ves which is taking me longer to get the hang of. and i still highly recommend it. just to see where you're At.

Friday, March 05, 2010

You gotta have Hope!

night time in the Gypsy Wagon. i like to think i'm a good cozymaker....
i bought this video on a whim plus it was only ninety cents. Bob Hope Bloopers! omg, i laughed so hard. Angie Dickenson is crazy sexy, don't you think??

Thursday, March 04, 2010

while i'm not quite freeeee to say this: i might be learning to be @ home

wherever the Fuck I Am! ha....and can feel the sun setting on a time of trial but i Don't wanna jinx myself

do i feeel as insecure as i sound cuz you don't know the half of it!

soundtrack to our days right now

1. i can see clearly now the rain is gone
2. everything is comin' our way
3. i got a brand new pair of rollerskates AND a tiger by the tail (it's plain ta see!)
4. take this job and shove it
5. baby got back/gimme one reason to stay here- mash up

& i saved the best for last:
#6 - Amazing Grace

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

i LIKE being easily pleased by the mundane (it organizes my jitters sometimes)

I've been keeping a secret

And it's a doooozey!!

something i've been looking to come clean about for months now. i just figured out not two minutes ago that it's stunting my growth, aye. For real. everytime i think about writing almost anywhere i think: "oh fuck, i gotta write about That." i gotta get it out of my system so here it goes. at the baseline & i'm going to just blurt it out in all of it's ghetto gutwrench - my youngest's babydaddy thought it was a good idea to try to beat me Up at the storage unit. With our child strapped in his carseat in a front row seat,  First he went to strangle me but i couldn't let Pop-pops see that happen so i curled away from him and ended up getting punched viciously in the back and side. As far as beatings go, i think my sister could have caused more damage -although it was still scary as hell for the loooose cannon aspect of it. his kid yelling at him to stop was what saved me. that and i called
9-1-1 -  in Nipomo that means the sherriff and the highway patrol showed up.  so we had to deal with the
po-po asking All Kindsa questions and him lying and saying he may have pushed me. after so much dishonesty w/the he said part of the he said she said i looked Up (ha!) and saw the storage units' surveillance camera pointed Directly at my mother's storage. i pointed it out to the nosy copper and told him the proof is in the pudding. they slapped the handcuffs on and Pop-pops saw his hero get arrested... it was like a Criminal Intent episode...i am now a member of the special victims unit. it sucks but it's also me bottoming out which involves me seeking sanctuary from so much more than Domestic Violence. In with this snow/shitballing;  all this homeless BULLshit and crying too much about it... brought me to the Women's Shelter. Their legal department first because i have to now deal with scary shit like 3yr restraining orders against an Angry angry man...but Something very important happened at The Women's Shelter: The women that work there took us under their wings. Which has been an amazing grace. so fucking sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I tore that song out of an old piano book. I'm learning the 2nd verse by heart. Did you know the very last sentence to that second verse is this:
"And Grace shall lead me home"? it is. and this is the hour i first believe. Even though it's gotten this awful, just me getting it out of my head on a big step. And i just took it.