i been itching to write something verrrry delicately....a note to a deadman

on Facebook! wtf but here it is...i didn't post it there at first because i got weirded out by myself remembering my favourite college professor (which is why it's over-edited cuz i always wanted to impress him)Sooo fondly lovingly emotional Sappily...my explanation is that i'm still raw over this and i Always get fucken buyer's remorse!!

Dear Joel,
    so i Totally  CHOPPED my son's hair off...not me, personally (it was the witchy woman at Supercuts w/super straight bottle black hair, the non-smiler as she sheared it off) Joel! i Really really liked his long hair!
@4am i was sleepless w/Recriminations - sad! i was beating myself up remembering all those scenes in all those damn movies set in the goddam 60's - 19yr old loveflowerchild getting beautiful locks Shorn in the army barber's chair.  i fell asleep to my son's big eyes filling up w/salty tears  - telling me his hair had kept him Warm! ugh! i was crying, too &  i know that's silly but i was feeling mighty bad about it when  There you were! you popped up in my worrywart mother's mind w/that Buzz Cut you sported the 2nd yr i ever knew you...that haircut was so cute! all spritely!  it made you look.. different/younger.. somehow; wilder. You came to me but not in a dream only better. Thanx old favourite writing teacher of mine.

Love,
ChangaPeluda

Fuck You, Santa!!! (how i bloodboilingly hate the holidays!!!)

so in honor of the cocksucking yuletide: some POETRY!

How Is Your Heart? by Charles Bukowski

during my worst times
on the park benches
in the jails
or living with
whores
I always had this certain
contentment-
I wouldn't call it
happiness-
it was more of an inner
balance
that settled for
whatever was occuring
and it helped in the
factories
and when relationships
went wrong
with the
girls.
it helped
through the
wars and the
hangovers
the backalley fights
the
hospitals.
to awaken in a cheap room
in a strange city and
pull up the shade-
this was the craziest kind of
contentment

and to walk across the floor
to an old dresser with a
cracked mirror-
see myself, ugly,
grinning at it all.
what matters most is
how well you
walk through the
fire.

Legally supervised babydaddy visit resulted in a sanctioned haircut

but only the bangs! wtf....so i posed him as Jane Fonda getting arrested  in protest

i love me some internetz tonite

if ever there was a loneliness obliterater...facebook is it. fuck, i keep in touch with people i don't even know! weird!! And if you are a person that i already Love and you're on facebook: TWICE as nice. Obscure people from my past even. My own kid!! this is so awesome ( & i know, i know it's Just the internet, it's not Real [so i've heard])
 G...who had dropped his page when he flew off to Heidelberg ..he just added himself back in and i couldn't be a happier mom to see his face!
 the person on the monitor is my Brizz Bitch...from the apartments i used to live in. She's moving to Central California and i'm sure going to miss her...she's got Live and Let Die tatted right above her tits. I loved being  this girl's neighbor. and now we get to stay friends on facebook. amazing...i hope i don't ever stop tripping out on that

this shadow is totally haunting me!