Wednesday, March 03, 2010

And it's a doooozey!!

something i've been looking to come clean about for months now. i just figured out not two minutes ago that it's stunting my growth, aye. For real. everytime i think about writing almost anywhere i think: "oh fuck, i gotta write about That." i gotta get it out of my system so here it goes. at the baseline & i'm going to just blurt it out in all of it's ghetto gutwrench - my youngest's babydaddy thought it was a good idea to try to beat me Up at the storage unit. With our child strapped in his carseat in a front row seat,  First he went to strangle me but i couldn't let Pop-pops see that happen so i curled away from him and ended up getting punched viciously in the back and side. As far as beatings go, i think my sister could have caused more damage -although it was still scary as hell for the loooose cannon aspect of it. his kid yelling at him to stop was what saved me. that and i called
9-1-1 -  in Nipomo that means the sherriff and the highway patrol showed up.  so we had to deal with the
po-po asking All Kindsa questions and him lying and saying he may have pushed me. after so much dishonesty w/the he said part of the he said she said i looked Up (ha!) and saw the storage units' surveillance camera pointed Directly at my mother's storage. i pointed it out to the nosy copper and told him the proof is in the pudding. they slapped the handcuffs on and Pop-pops saw his hero get arrested... it was like a Criminal Intent episode...i am now a member of the special victims unit. it sucks but it's also me bottoming out which involves me seeking sanctuary from so much more than Domestic Violence. In with this snow/shitballing;  all this homeless BULLshit and crying too much about it... brought me to the Women's Shelter. Their legal department first because i have to now deal with scary shit like 3yr restraining orders against an Angry angry man...but Something very important happened at The Women's Shelter: The women that work there took us under their wings. Which has been an amazing grace. so fucking sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I tore that song out of an old piano book. I'm learning the 2nd verse by heart. Did you know the very last sentence to that second verse is this:
"And Grace shall lead me home"? it is. and this is the hour i first believe. Even though it's gotten this awful, just me getting it out of my head on a big step. And i just took it.


Anonymous said...

Awww. I'm so sorry. But i'm so proud you got rid of the monster. I was kind of wondering if you were okay after your previous post. So glad to know you are better than you ever probably were.

You are one brave woman. I'm sad the kid saw but that was bound to happen i think. Hope your family feels safe, warm and loved at the shelter. I'll pray for you. Take care.

p.s. Hope a hug makes you feel better.

changapeluda said...

thank you

first for having the warrior in me as your blog name
and second for strong minded support....
i learned in high school that somethin' goes on physiologically during a hug that makes one see colors Better
i always believe that kinda stuff

Anonymous said...

REALLY? I hope you see life a lot brighter from now on then! :)

Anonymous said...

I am so mad on your behalf. I wonder from afar when the situation will turn for the better. Like Wynonna says - when you hit bottom you can either go sideways or straight up. Up is where you are headed now. Blessings to you and Pop-pops. Just remember there are people out here who care.

Anonymous said...

isit my blog. There's a little something i'd like you to see.


Debbie said...

I am proud of you too! And I do hope the much sought out help you are getting makes you know just how good of a person you are and do not deserve that, no one does. Men that are abusers are cowards, weak men, with usually a violent upbringing themselves!~ You are in a great place right now, I have a good friend who worked in a womens shelter and it was awesome she said! Best of luck to you, I found you from the warrior in me site, she is an awesome young gal!

C'est La Vie said...

We don't know each other, I came in through warrior's blog.
I am so proud of you, It's kind of ironic because this week is the anniversary of my divorce from my abusive husband. I've never been happier, but I've never been through something so hard in my life.
I'm so glad you are free of this dirt bag, I hope you figure things out and you can be happy! Good luck with everything!

Anonymous said...

Don't hate me, but i listed your blog in the blog hop at

p.s. just thought you deserved some more love :)

Anonymous said...

Haha! This is fun! Also listed you in the blog hop at

Please say you like me! :D

changapeluda said...

oye Warrior!

i couldn't hate you..Hello! you're my new amigita!!
it is, however important to me to come by people who Read my blog more organically...i used to envy the chicks on here who got 32 comments minimum but figured out it ain't a numbers/popularity game. i'm happy with my 8 on a good day - i'm kinda proud to say i have a verrry cool group that i know of that Get me (which is kinda icky sounding but True).
for some reasons being on a list makes me feel pressured to say somethin' cutesy and who the fuck needs That??


thanx anyway, though.

Anonymous said...

Haha- EXACTLY why i didn't put myself on any of those lists actually! Love that there are people who think likewise.

I just wanted to make your story heard and make sure some girl somewhere got the inspiration she so deserves.

Hope day is going fun :)

Take care.

Julie said...

The Warrior sent me and I have to say I am very proud of you for standing your ground and getting your feet back under you. It's a very long haul but in the end will be oh so worth it. Good luck to you and Pop-pops. Lean on the Lord, he's there to help you along the way along with the ladies at the shelter. Trust in the Lord and he will see you though it all.
Good luck and if you feel like it keep us posted so we can say a pray about the next step you might need help in.
Take care and God Bless.

the heartful blogger said...

God this post made me so angry. What sort of coward does that, not just to a woman, but to his child's mother?? You are the most amazing woman, Pop-pops is lucky to have you, and like C'est la vie said, you are so much better off being free of him. Sending you bright rainbow angel hugs from me and your fairy godson. xxx

the heartful blogger said...

And Jake sends extra hugs and kisses to you and Pop-pops too.

Miriam said...

"Amazing Grace" was the only song I could ever think to sing to my boy when he was a baby. I can still hear my dad singing it, off key, standing next to me in church (when we went) which is what brought me to it. I remember looking up the lyrics so I could have more than one verse to sing to H. And that second verse really did it for me too.