i been itching to write something verrrry delicately....a note to a deadman

on Facebook! wtf but here it is...i didn't post it there at first because i got weirded out by myself remembering my favourite college professor (which is why it's over-edited cuz i always wanted to impress him)Sooo fondly lovingly emotional Sappily...my explanation is that i'm still raw over this and i Always get fucken buyer's remorse!!

Dear Joel,
    so i Totally  CHOPPED my son's hair off...not me, personally (it was the witchy woman at Supercuts w/super straight bottle black hair, the non-smiler as she sheared it off) Joel! i Really really liked his long hair!
@4am i was sleepless w/Recriminations - sad! i was beating myself up remembering all those scenes in all those damn movies set in the goddam 60's - 19yr old loveflowerchild getting beautiful locks Shorn in the army barber's chair.  i fell asleep to my son's big eyes filling up w/salty tears  - telling me his hair had kept him Warm! ugh! i was crying, too &  i know that's silly but i was feeling mighty bad about it when  There you were! you popped up in my worrywart mother's mind w/that Buzz Cut you sported the 2nd yr i ever knew you...that haircut was so cute! all spritely!  it made you look.. different/younger.. somehow; wilder. You came to me but not in a dream only better. Thanx old favourite writing teacher of mine.

Love,
ChangaPeluda

Fuck You, Santa!!! (how i bloodboilingly hate the holidays!!!)

so in honor of the cocksucking yuletide: some POETRY!

How Is Your Heart? by Charles Bukowski

during my worst times
on the park benches
in the jails
or living with
whores
I always had this certain
contentment-
I wouldn't call it
happiness-
it was more of an inner
balance
that settled for
whatever was occuring
and it helped in the
factories
and when relationships
went wrong
with the
girls.
it helped
through the
wars and the
hangovers
the backalley fights
the
hospitals.
to awaken in a cheap room
in a strange city and
pull up the shade-
this was the craziest kind of
contentment

and to walk across the floor
to an old dresser with a
cracked mirror-
see myself, ugly,
grinning at it all.
what matters most is
how well you
walk through the
fire.

Legally supervised babydaddy visit resulted in a sanctioned haircut

but only the bangs! wtf....so i posed him as Jane Fonda getting arrested  in protest

i love me some internetz tonite

if ever there was a loneliness obliterater...facebook is it. fuck, i keep in touch with people i don't even know! weird!! And if you are a person that i already Love and you're on facebook: TWICE as nice. Obscure people from my past even. My own kid!! this is so awesome ( & i know, i know it's Just the internet, it's not Real [so i've heard])
 G...who had dropped his page when he flew off to Heidelberg ..he just added himself back in and i couldn't be a happier mom to see his face!
 the person on the monitor is my Brizz Bitch...from the apartments i used to live in. She's moving to Central California and i'm sure going to miss her...she's got Live and Let Die tatted right above her tits. I loved being  this girl's neighbor. and now we get to stay friends on facebook. amazing...i hope i don't ever stop tripping out on that

this shadow is totally haunting me!

strange shadows on my door

so this kinda scares me....it was so vivid and sad. i feel as if i captured some sort of creature with pretty eyes and a Stephen King/Dr. Suess nose. 

i keep checking in

to see if a certain someone has been interested in my weblog and Apparently - he doesn't give a shit.

Don't you know..they're talkin' 'bout a Revolution, son....

i saw the UC Davis kids all lined up on the curb getting pepper sprayed.. defenseless - their arms locked, sitting subdued in a line....some of them had their hoodies up and that fucken cop was just strolling along emitting his poison right in their faces... i thought maybe that their hoodies might have trapped the pepper spray in. It was the reaction of their fellow students in the crowd that made me cry out in a helpless anguish. Nothing  could  be done to stop the senseless show of piggish power...why do cops have to be that way???

i feeeel

like a fat hairy lumpy piece of shit!!!!  with a hunchback & bad breath!!!

and for some reason i am enjoying myself...i may just apply for a job as a troll somewhere...is the pay good?? i bet they don't have dental.... you know that feeling when you fall down...hit the ground. don't know if you broke something and still want to laugh? that

11/11/11

this is becoming my number 1 trend! yeah my #1 blog! whoooop-di-dooo!!!! hAhahaha...funny. i added a feed counter thingy and i'm the only one reading my blog...hmph. i'm miffed and fine w/that at the same time because i am now a hunchbacked recluse w/a shitty attitude anyoldhow. i severed a buncha ties with my mean family....moved outta town and now i'm kinda lonely but not really.
also: i'm not aging very well

1-1-11

it's a new beginning - this late at night. i've decided to stop being such a worry wart and am blogging instead! hah! how do you like me now??

An Octopus's Foofer!!

that's how fascinatingly random life in SLO county is for me & Pop-pops. Happy took us to the Monterey Bay Aquarium and we had ourselves a time. it's 2 hrs and 40 minutes from our apartment. i never did get that cupcake i was craving...i lost the kids kinda on purpose...staring at this octopus.

i love blogging

that is all

Pop-pops & a girl from next door at the children's museum

free moo-ahoooooooonlite hours @ the slo children's museum..

this is what i look like now: while dancing the tango (of course)

omg

wtF there is an option here on blogspot to "customize" and "monetize"  intriguingly confusingly grody!  i love my own template, aye.

i am 43 yrs old and hadn't really "felt" Frida before! and i'm a latina! wtf?!?

awww my pearly girl...

the brizz kids! headed to busk @ farmers

so thursday farmer's market in SLO is pretty bomb. street vendors and jumping houses, music, BBQ....they close off like 5 or 6 blocks downtown...it's a little too crowded sometimes but these Brizz Kids are good at pretending i'm the momma quail and follow along in an orderly line. They got it in their heads that they wanted to make a little extra cash by singin'  on one of the street corners...only when we got there - they were too quiet /shy and Pop-pops who is the lead singer..decided he'd rather climb the tree on the corner...i put 5 bucks in their hat and we got kettle corn. i call that pretty successful.

Today i miss Zoe and my De La Soul cassette tape that i WORE Out. Random but true

That ole dog of mine was The Best White German Shepherd in all of Germany and the world. Speaking of Germany!! It's gonna be home to my G. for a whole year as he's going to university over there. G is phat like that. his little brother adores him

pretending to sleep

la loca sad girl

oh my beautiful heartfull blogger from way across the pond

wish we were right next door neighbors.. hanging out our gleaming white laundry (pillow cases and negligees) we'd have  matching backyardy clotheslines, talking & talking and i'd give you a hug....Jakey and Pop-pops running about, the original Jake & Zoe at our feet....(i wish big)
we could drink a nice round goblet of wine and eat chocolate and i would totally comfort you.

one of the main confessions i wanna make is that i got facebook confused with blogging

and i need to get ahold of that..it's a Very confusing matter. also: major mindset Brain activity - i am totally immmersed (!) as a 9/11 Truth Seeker now. HELLO! google building 7!! how did i not know this shit after almost 10yrs..wtf? i cannot unring that bell. It's made me even more wide open in my mind to Other questions and awarenesses. But please.. nobody commit me to the looney bin, yet. So back to facebook. it's consuming and therapeutic. i'm a lonely single mother who lives towns now, from loved ones  Facebook helps me not be so isolated...also there's the issue of:  do i want peeps that read this blog (if any) to be my facebook friend?? is there something scary and possibly invitatious of cyber asking for it? because it sounds fun and harmless...retaining one's anonymous stature in the cyber spaces is nigh impossible...my babydaddy googled my name and found all kindsa weird stuff i do! which brings me to another catching up item: I, Changapeluda - am a Stage Actress again. High School Thespianism never really goes away!! i've been writing funny monologues and performing them at a little theatre by where i live! So Fun...i'm FUNNY!!
 anywhoo just keepin' my promise to Blog More...told myself - "just fucken do it". oh yeah..please leave comments and let me know you're still out there.

i pledge allegiance to my tits of the united states of america!

hello  blogspot.. long time no see!

rental car @ avila beach

I still love this blog after all these years!

random shots of apartment living...it's lovely living in apartments in san luis obispo...i've been a busy girl!  i promise to catch up soon and i don't promise Nothin' unless i mean it.

Now why in the fuck do i have to be hagridden by anxiety??!

it sucks the biggest green donkey dick..Ever. When and what will make me stop, hmm? i am the maker of my own destiny, am i not??  just needed to get that Out my system so i can come back here, read this - and shake myself. thank you very much

This is Don Chingon/Mr. Demanding Bossypants

after he bit a tomato and refused the peeled orange....ordering me to cut him some mango for his breakfast.

 so i did... and he didn't like that either.

this is kinda like a dream bike of mine

i been headblogging

1. & not electronically doing the deeeed. Today i took a buncha devil may care WET vibrant love pix in the rainsoaked streets of San Luis Obispo..i feel the need to share them w/whosoever shall remain coming to this ghost-town blog of mine. so Kinderpop-pops goes  half-day to a school 1.4 miles away from the apartment. rain or shine...on foot. i've got a few tricks up my sleeve when a five year old gets tired of walking...my main trick is bribery and 7/11 factors in quite a bit. we also do fun stuff like stash our vitamin water in weird squatty palm trees on the way there and pick it up on the way back. 
2. why is this numbered?? strange things happen to blogger dashboard when you get outta the habit of sorta semi-regular sporadical blogging
3. hmph!

pix i took today

G. had a senior recital that would/could and probably should knock your socks off

angels have been following me (still)

downtown today in a coffeeshop called Linnaea's that i've been frequenting since high school....i brought my angels along on a whim and drew in their chap books....i need to do stuff like this More Often.