Oh fuck it, i'm gonna have to get all touchy feely

Air out some jacked up emotions. And i must come clean about my in-ability to "be present". I just don't feel it. I'm going thru my life these last maybe 10 days and thinking, "Ugh! do i have to Deal with that, Again?!?" And i just don't wanna. My kids are in high bugging mode. My mother won't Shut Up. My dog needs a bath. The living room needs a good cleaning. The whole damn house needs a good cleaning (either that or fucking Bulldozed) & the piece of shit car is Falling Apart, I am always Having to DEAL with shit. Why can't i just DO what i want to do without getting a headache and or interrogated/pulled & poked at and/or have my energy/desire just sucked right outta me?? For maybe three days in a row i don't want anybody to ask me Anything.

Oh fuck it!, Fuck IT, i say. Also i just need to Get OVER myself already. It's not really that bad. It just feels like it is.

Plucky w/a hint of Lemony Snicket

I snapped this pic of my beautiful/motley crew the day after new year's this past January. I'm venturing into collage. At least i think i am. Happy says she can soften my cut-out rough edges w/photoshop. So it's a work in progress and Oh! how i LOVE my babies so it follows that i really dig this picture. All three of them look pretty spiffy, if i do say so myself. Happy's weapon of choice got scanned in the background. Drunks make her furious. Her uncle crossed the line, which (if you read this messiness you'll remember) resulted in a dainty smackdown w/the rolling pin. She's got moxie, my fierce young lady. This image brings to mind so many things for me:

How hard it is to live in this old house and how we've been doing it for 4 generations.

The off the cuff lecture on Never hitting a man who can beat the shit out of you if he wanted.
(don't be stupid w/your Brave intolerance)

If only Natalie Wood had starred in Bonnie & Clyde instead of Faye Dunaway....


How i wish i had Never cut Pop-pop's hippy child hair.


What a Fine Young Man my G. is.


How lucky that i get to be their mother.

All three of these people are highly, childishly, intelligently strong natured.

Also my reason for posting this slightly not current photo - I'm cross pollinatin' ya'll - I made a new cyber friend on OKCupid(!)...well 2 actually and they are both Chicks... Ha! Leave it to me to come away with cool penpals on a fricken internet dating service. So ohmylauren, here they are.


Front and center of my world, the magical three. G., Happy & Pop-pops, my own personal tribe of Delight. Always and forever.

Dewbuggin' It @ Pismo Beach

We've been leavin' Beautiful Nipomo on our beloved Bus, taking our Boogie Board with us. It's always Sunny in Nipomo. The wind is always perfect, too. As you get closer to the coast which is 9 miles away, it gets coastal foggier....but that never stops a Beach Boy like my Pop-pops (or Gibbers or Nicklebaby also of Dewbug Daycare).

Kids are funny that way. They don't need perfect weather, they just want to be Outside. With their friends. Havin' a good time.

Aw, Ain't life Sweeeeeet??

Yo Soy Una Pocha de Aqui

I used to say wetback less kindly and ignorantly so. Now i say it con carino....I got kinda pissed and/or bummed when i found out Cesar Chavez was against illegal immigration (stupid term). I don't think Any human being can ever be illegal. Just being, ya know what i mean? If there was a kick ass country right next door and you were starving wouldn't you come on over? Especially since California was Mexico to begin with HELLO! Anyway i love Cesar Chavez. I marched for him. Also - I once was lost but now i'm found was blind but now i see.

Happy Saturday, everyone. Hope it's a lovely one.

LICKETY SPLIT Dating Service

post-up art by babydaddy

It's all because of the writing that i have become Hooked/ADDICTED to OKCupid.com....plus there's the collective human condition of loneliness. But mostly it has to do with the writingz. Brilliant, beautiful men writing their own sexy profiles. Men who aren't afraid to sound like geeeks/overly sensitive...like chicks, really. I can't get enuf. And their favourite books! Oh they make my heart sing. Movies I have never even heard of that sound incredibly intelligent. I gotta major yen to watch more obscure movies....Which is always a good thing. Inclinations towards the obscure, that is....Talk about my aspirations of being easily inspired. PLUS this all coincided with my new penchant for taking extra slutty self portraits. What Liberating fun i'm having doing That. It goes hand in hand with online dating....Have i ever told you i Really like to read "OverHeard in New York"? Well I do. This is Just like that with a slim to none chance that I might get to actually cyberly interact with these people. It's tantalising. Only I made sure to share with G. that this is Not for him. I warned him not to get involved in something so stupidly highly addictive and fun even pointing out that there are probably No brilliant ultra young gay men from San Francisco on OKCupid....nope not at all....I made sure to highlight the Dangers of this. One Crazy Creeepy looking military guy who looks like he wants to hunt me down and kill me then stuff me in a suitcase and throw me in the ocean - he Thinks we make a LoveMatch! I winced when i clicked on his picture. Ew. He makes Robert DeNiro in Taxi Driver look like Mr. Rogers.... And still, I can't stop browsing. If their pictures are too icky i sometimes don't bother to read their profiles. If their pictures are too icky i sometimes MUST read their profiles. And there are some greatly shameless Perverts out there! It's deliciously scandalous but I prefer lasciviousness with the option to delete and at a big long distance. Yesterday, I made myself a lovely salad with all kinds of fresh vegetables and put a healthy helping in a great big bowl, Plopped myself in front of the computer and clicked thru OKCupid for HOURS....it was soo much fun. Then this morning Reality kicked in. I got a message from some very nice young man asking me why i was viewing his profile NUMEROUS times.....only I didn't! I never intentionally clicked on his profile even once. Oh shit. I wonder how many other people i clicked on Numerous times??? how embarrassing! Now i don't even want to go back because what if Mr. Creeepy face actually finds me??? I fucked up on OKCupid. Sad. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.