Pop-pops is a Kindergartner. and for the first few days he didn't like it one bit. said it was too HOT in there and that he wanted to go OUTSIDE but NOBODY would listen to him.which sucks if you think about it.  he didn't want to go back.

oh loookit the first of hundreds of manilas! yay...

Nana was here visiting from Arkansas and she got to chauffeur him to his first day of school  in puro style, aye....she sure did like that. and so did he, my schoolboy

i am one lucky son of a bitch!

Somebody gimme a congratulatory kiss!

G.'s brain (power) is Ginourmous

when i get to hang out with him (an incredibly sad amount)just being with him - listening to him

 i'm all a'marvel

i may change Happy's name to Grace

her first job as a waitress is teaching her So Much in the dealing with assholes department. she has a very pretty smile & she wouldn't let me Or her visiting nana pay for dinner

WILD Child

because i Encourage this (shit!)

down to a dumpster dive camera that still captures things in a saturatious blip

G. & Popperski (Pop-pops as a creepy little bank robber)

my sons/the brothers in downtown San Fran

i can just feeeel a mad crime spree comin' on!

San Francisco made me wanna write better/more posts

i told my biggest son, "remember when i used to write good [imho]posts?"  i fondly reminisced those san franciscan bloggities and so became inspired.

8-9-10!

is momentous fer me ( i hope whomever reads this makes it a commendable one for their own selves!)
Wooo Hoooo i am only transitionally homeless - & Technically they ask me to fill out my copious paper workingz as such because this apartment ain't Permanent housing so don't get too comfortable but that don't stop me from being grateful as all get-out....we got us a roof over our head; a place to park our tipi ( so to speak)

Aaahh just taking a shower in my own place feels soooo good.   I've decorated the living room with doors from our Old  house...which is a funky reminder but i'm okay with my recent past.

 If i don't think about it tooo much...and as for as the perp in my life? the domestic violence culprit dumb fucker bitch knows where i live. his best friend's brother just moved in next door in a small small isolated world...moving three towns away doesn't make me anymore safe or rid of the asshole. but ya  know what?
 fuck him... i don't give him much energy At All, we focus instead on gettin' Up on our feeet already....for example Pop-pops is all into yoga now!

and the Best news of all i've had in a loooong time:
after going thru what we just went thru & coming out alive on the other side - i have an even finer appreciation for ART, my mother and my children and my sister, a normal bed,  the funny, the fun and the good.

i'm just glad we are surviving homelessness & i now have a place i can walk around nekkid if i want

in the most celiBRATory mooood, reckless happy, the kinda mood that makes me wanna flirt w/the inappropriate just for the hell of it, eat SIX sesame balls (oh my goooodsnakes they are delish when burnt just a lil tiny bit), kisss my kids all kinds and make loud fart sounds on my poppa tote tote's back and arms and neck (he's my only kid who'll let me), so grateful and relieved/feelin' Soooo fucking BLESSED that:

 we have a place that's safe and Sound to lay our heads. Gracias a Tortilla Mary & the women's shelter of San Luis Obispo

Four months ago i was a goddam hobo!

and NOW

me & the kid (& Zoe Pearl) are livin' in some bitchen transitional apartments for the next 18 months if i'm good....hallelujah!

okay so now i'm learning the lyrics to Ave Maria

Staying with my friend who teaches American Sign Language. Her house is very Rooomy/way Nice; she's the most hospitable chick with a big boisterous family that just goes on (happily & normally)about their familial business. Zoe the dog is relaxed for the first time in 6 months! Pop-pops is being all squished & squishy! Things are Good Again so i  feel (when my friend who is letting us live w/her for a bit  - omg when she totally signs a song called Hallelujah in Soprano WITH HER HANDS)...Poppity Pops, Zoe Pearl and i are in the presence of  the most hopeful/comforting of angels, for real. It's very very Beautiful.

Sometimes my OUTLOOK is Unfocused

mostly when i'm fucking Stressed & worried as all Hell about a roof over our head

..but then, when i happen to look Thru it? Instead of (all the time) @ it - aforementioned Outlook expanded homeless schmomeless state of affairs...

[pretty cool lookin']

Justa Keep on Keepin' On

Fuck YOU, Homelessness!!! & you can KISS my ASS!!

OH! this kid of mine! Thank you, Tortilla Mary

for letting me be his mother. i Love him SO! from the top of his cowlicked head to the tips of his dancing dirty little bare feetz

amen.

Spilt Coffeeman

knocked my mug over onto a paper plate and There he was! sometimes art is accidental embelished. that's how we roll around here, plus i keep spillin' my damn coffee!! travel mugs with no handles that are Tall and cylindrical are Not a good idea. but i do Love coffee....

The Bus! The busss the bus the bus the busss & how we still love it

How YOU doooooinn??

It's Saturday night, ya'll & this is where i am:
the more times i've rolled one of them goddam rolling suitcases like a vagrant...the higher my chin got!  also: it helps when i picked out the slutty animal print suitcases....i've been dabbling in the self portraiture otra ves which is taking me longer to get the hang of. and i still highly recommend it. just to see where you're At.

You gotta have Hope!

night time in the Gypsy Wagon. i like to think i'm a good cozymaker....

i bought this video on a whim plus it was only ninety cents. Bob Hope Bloopers! omg, i laughed so hard. Angie Dickenson is crazy sexy, don't you think??

while i'm not quite freeeee to say this: i might be learning to be @ home

wherever the Fuck I Am! ha....and can feel the sun setting on a time of trial but i Don't wanna jinx myself

do i feeel as insecure as i sound cuz you don't know the half of it!

soundtrack to our days right now

1. i can see clearly now the rain is gone
2. everything is comin' our way
3. i got a brand new pair of rollerskates AND a tiger by the tail (it's plain ta see!)
4. take this job and shove it
5. baby got back/gimme one reason to stay here- mash up

& i saved the best for last:
#6 - Amazing Grace

i LIKE being easily pleased by the mundane (it organizes my jitters sometimes)

I've been keeping a secret

And it's a doooozey!!

something i've been looking to come clean about for months now. i just figured out not two minutes ago that it's stunting my growth, aye. For real. everytime i think about writing almost anywhere i think: "oh fuck, i gotta write about That." i gotta get it out of my system so here it goes. at the baseline & i'm going to just blurt it out in all of it's ghetto gutwrench - my youngest's babydaddy thought it was a good idea to try to beat me Up at the storage unit. With our child strapped in his carseat in a front row seat,  First he went to strangle me but i couldn't let Pop-pops see that happen so i curled away from him and ended up getting punched viciously in the back and side. As far as beatings go, i think my sister could have caused more damage -although it was still scary as hell for the loooose cannon aspect of it. his kid yelling at him to stop was what saved me. that and i called
9-1-1 -  in Nipomo that means the sherriff and the highway patrol showed up.  so we had to deal with the

po-po asking All Kindsa questions and him lying and saying he may have pushed me. after so much dishonesty w/the he said part of the he said she said i looked Up (ha!) and saw the storage units' surveillance camera pointed Directly at my mother's storage. i pointed it out to the nosy copper and told him the proof is in the pudding. they slapped the handcuffs on and Pop-pops saw his hero get arrested... it was like a Criminal Intent episode...i am now a member of the special victims unit. it sucks but it's also me bottoming out which involves me seeking sanctuary from so much more than Domestic Violence. In with this snow/shitballing;  all this homeless BULLshit and crying too much about it... brought me to the Women's Shelter. Their legal department first because i have to now deal with scary shit like 3yr restraining orders against an Angry angry man...but Something very important happened at The Women's Shelter: The women that work there took us under their wings. Which has been an amazing grace. so fucking sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I tore that song out of an old piano book. I'm learning the 2nd verse by heart. Did you know the very last sentence to that second verse is this:

"And Grace shall lead me home"? it is. and this is the hour i first believe. Even though it's gotten this awful, just me getting it out of my head on here....is a big step. And i just took it.

moonshadows, angels keep following us even to the beach & i'll try not to keep going here

on January 9th, 2010

i acknowledged/got mentally checkmarked as the first day we made it all the way through WITHOUT me crying. not even once.