At 7:30 the next morning (after the going away party) Pop-pops woke up. He knew something was Up. He was extra clingy, which takes some doing. Ohhh Brother, lovings. He did not want to be put down. So G. decides to put on The Land Before Time. The really sad dinosaur movie where the mother dies. And according to that selfish little bastard LittleFoot (her son) it was all her fault "She shoulda known better than to fight those Sharpteeth". I hate this fucking movie...The cute little dinosaur sees it's lengthened shadow and thinks it's his mom, chasing after her all happy to see her. Pathetic. I started stifling my sad tears right then and there. What a dope! It was like preparing for a prize fight in the boxing ring by engaging in a street fight just before. It didn't take much to knock my block off. Even this didn't cheer me None.
By the time I hugged him goodbye I was quaking....I've never fucking quaked before in my Whole Life. I wanted so bad not to cry. I wanted him to see me proud and in control. I wanted to be so happy for him that it would outweigh the sad. I wanted to feel strong. So I sobbed, instead. All that big talk about not being a pussy: out the window. Happy had said her goodbyes and gone back to sleep. Happy was sleeping on the job, in more ways than one. Even now, a week later, I'm still in the shittiest of moods. We talk on the phone daily, we e-mail and I visit his blog. But I still feel like there's something wrong with me. I keep mentally harping on the fact the fact that I didn't kiss him goodbye. Which made me mentally hopscotch to a story I sometimes mull over. In a macabre downward spiral....Happy went to the Museum of Tolerance and came away with this story I've inprinted in my brain of a young Jewish mother who was torn away from her baby boy. She was begging the guard who was holding him, "Please! just let me kiss him goodbye!"
You can sure as hell bet the next time I see G. A kiss on each cheek, the forehead, the chin and then pow right on the kisser. I didn't think that it would be this way. I didn't think it would be this hard. I thought that I would be okay. Or at least Not this much of a wimp. Huh, You learn somethin' new everyday.