No pix could show you and no words can convey

just how cool my brother Albert really was. Today would have been his 45th birthday. I wrote about him [in my haphazard journal] today on The Bus, the bussss.....i wrote about the still freshly wounded/bloody Yearnings i still have to see him and/or just Be with him....how can that be when it's been almost 24 years? How come he's the brother that had to up and Die on me, anyway? That's the real Pisser. He's the Best brother i got and he's dead and gone. He was so good to me. He was good people, as G. would say. And he was a Really good dancer. We would watch Soul Train and American Bandstand and Albert could not only do the dances (he caught on quick), he would also teach me (not so quick). We wanted to go into showbiz together....like Donny and Marie. We actually practiced routines and made costumes. Theatre Geeks in the making. When he was a freshman in high school, he won a dance contest at the Santa Maria Towne Center. He and his partner Chandy won a free trip to Magic Mountain where they were in a big competition. He made sure i got to go with them. It was odd in a very groovy/cool way just how close we were. Once, when we were at a gas station, someone thought i was his wife. He thought that was funny, so he just smiled and didn't correct them ....i know that sounds creepy but i loved him for doing shit like that. When we got back in his car, we had a good laugh about it, then (so you don't worry, i'm just weird, not Sick)we both said, "ewwww." Then More laughter, always more laughter. I got to ride shotgun in his white '68 Mustang that he drove way too fast. He had a button that said "Fuck it!" pinned to the sunvisor. We were each other's closest confidantes. Sometimes i feel like he was my ticket outta here [poverty/the ghetto]. And sometimes i feel like i'll pull myself up outta here for the both of us. We were twins, you know. Double gemini, him and me. I wish he were here. Happy Birthday, Albert. I miss you something awful.