And in it I was very worried about my lipstick because i had to walk through a cemetary to get to a Pub where they were having an Old Time Country Music/Bluegrass jam session only i didn't know any of the songs and i only had four dollars which was exactly how much one glass of really dark crappy beer cost me. So i put the tip on my ATM credit card. Two dollars. Since i couldn't use a debit card just for gratuity i had to purchase Another beer. The 2nd beer was thicker, darker, and tasted worse than the 1st. So i drank it fast.
In this very bad dream, I had left my guitar in another room and i couldn't get to it without having to walk right thru the Circle of Musicians. So I left the bartender a note only i don't know what it said and i escaped out a back exit that wasn't really an exit. There were big rolling chain link gates. Two of them - and they were both chained closed with padlocks. i decided to climb over to get out. I ended up at 7/11, eating some disgusting nachos with the fake nacho meat chili and the fake nacho cheese that tastes like plastic cheddar on top of unnaturally round tortilla chips. Pickled jalapenos. I remember hanging out in a parking lot. I was Very Pissed Off and anxiously worried about my brother's wife telling my mom that when the foreclosure went through, a sherriff was going to come to our house and ask her to vacate the property or else they would arrest her. I agonized over Happy and Pop-pops bearing witness to this. Then my friend Danielle showed up with NO kids in her mini-van and gave me a ride home.
Only this wasn't a Nightmare. i wish that it was. i wish i could Wake Up and None of this Ever Happened. But it did. All of it.
When our stomachs hurt it got boiled and made into an ultra green tea that made me queasy but i had to drink it anyway. Pop-pops likes to eat it just like that. He's like a little goat. Sometimes i have to tell him to spit it out because he helps himself to big wads of it. The persistent grazer almost ate it down to Nothing. But it sprang back up.
I laid on my stomach to get a front row shot....it really is a lovely plant with such a cool name. Yerba Buena. Good Herb. And it's smell is permeating....even if you just cut one tiny piece of leaf. It smells just like a good herb should.
The innards of a computer just sittin' there waiting it's turn in my computer guy's garage. It's gotten kinda embarrassing how many times my computer breaks down. I always use that as an excuse to not blog when it's kind of not even a very good one. Oh, this beautifully intricate computer of mine is a temperamental old fool that works like a dream - most of the time. I could use the one at Dewbug Daycare only blogging during naptime just doesn't do it fer me. I could also use Happy's laptop....only my pictures aren't in there and i gotta have my pix. That is Why i'm a stop & GO blogger. My computer is not so dependable as my desire to blog (uh, Very dependable) so i'm just kinda saying sorry for the feast and famine action over here. It's my computer's fault. It's a breaker downer, aye. That's okay, my computer guy is very understanding and i just gotta make sure that when i knock on his door of repair, tower in tow: Beer! nice & cold and sometimes i sweeten the deal with chicken tacos and guacamole.
And my mom was told to go apply for public housing. Can you believe that bullshit?? It Maybe that i am in Denial - but i just don't see that happening. I am still holding out for a miraculous intervention by the Angels of Justice. Even though I went to see a lawyer and she told me that since my grandfather signed the deed to the house over to my brother in the hospital the night he died OMG (!) that what he (my grandfather)intended - [which We ALL know was for my mom to have the house and a roof over her head and for it to be in her oldest son's name so that she wouldn't lose her Disability/Social Security Implement]is a Hard thing to prove. Only I don't think so. It's all in my family's historical facts and totally makes sense. My mom took care of my Grandfather until the minute that he died of cancer. The months leading up to his death involved Oxygen tanks, bedpans, feeding tubes AT HOME (in this house!)He became so frail and unable to keep himself warm that she actually slept with him for body warmth. And this is just how she took care of him in sickness....Let's Add to this thickening plot that his wife and mother of his 10 kids - My Nana - my mom's mom had died way too early ( when i was 3 months old) leaving my mom with 5 younger siblings still in school....She took over the role of Matriarch with ease and Love and a heightened sense of responsibility. Even though she had FIVE kids of her Own....even though her husband left her for another woman after she was diagnosed with Lupus, almost died, and became permanently disabled. I feel like i could write a Hallmark Hall of Fame Sunday night movie outta this stuff. So the good news is that in light of all that she had Been and Done for my grandfather, he left her this house. Well, the lawyer said What it would boil down to is a "he (my brother)said vs. she (my mother)said" type of dealio. My brother, and now his horrid wife's names are on the deed. They think they had every right to take all the equity OUT so that they could buy their own house. They set themselves up at my mother's expense. For Real. They would rather throw her out on the street then do the right thing. They prefer to Leave her with nothing. To fend for herself at 71. I know for a fact that this is Not what my grandfather intended....but he's a dead grandpa & can't speak for himself No More....She (this Really Nice lawyer)also went on to say that what is being done is WRONG but there is the Legal Law and a Moral Law blah blah blah....meanwhile my mom is so stressed out about being homeless that she's broken out in fricken shingles. And me? I'm JUST ENUF OF A WHACKJOB, just that much of a crazy chick that I still have Faith that everything is gonna be Alright. Hey! I may be living in a Tipi again. Tipis are so cool....Plus G. told me HOME is WHERE the Heart IS. And i believe that to be true. Oh, God help us.
I am takin' us back to the Easter Holiday and finally posting about my most recent trip to see my beautiful and diligent son G. This was the picture i took after i left him to drive back home. We had just spent his lunch break on Columbus Ave. I made it to City Lights Books! No place for a two year old grabby child. When it was time for us to leave, our short weekend visit was over so soon.... my G. sure did look glum. He was way tired and still had his second shift to go.
I think there are looooong winged angels watching over him and it comforts me to know that they do a good job of it.
G.'s First Paid Gig! He played trumpet for what he thought would be Easter Services in a Catholic Church. Saturday turned out to be a baptism ceremony that lasted five and a half HOURS. I was supposed to pick him up at 9:30pm and he had been there since 6. We waited in the car for a while before Pop-pops got bored and not so easily contained so we farted around outside, taking pictures of Jesus, Mary and a few saints. After what seemed like way too long, we walked into the church, genuflected, i blessed myself and Pop-pops and thought mass should be Over By Now....only to notice (w/impatient horror) that the communion offerings had not even Been Offered! Ugh! That meant we still had the better part of an Hour to Go! Oh well, it wasn't too long before my Catholic upbringing kicked in and I was being all consoled by the rituals and the fervent prayers...It felt Good to be in Church. And Miracle of miracles Pop-pops sat quietly thru the whole thing. Alleluia it was more of the same for Sunday. Thank you, Jesus (or Joooosis as Pop-pops calls Him).
I mowed the other lot....the empty one with the missing Monster Van and the Ginormous Walnut tree and the fallen Cypress....i walked the Lickety Split Woodservice area and made sure that there were no surprises for the lawnmower blades. So, of course - i ran over something. I tipped the lawnmower up a little to let it fly out. Only it didn't. It thumped around for a bit before it worked it's way out. I thought,
"Man! What the hell is it??" It was a Snake! A fat one.... Oh i was so bummed. I felt really bad. Poor guy was just slithering around minding it' s own business and there i go. Running it over with the damn lawnmower....It was gross lookin....at first i thought it was a long smashed yellowish pomegranite....i couldn't figure out what it was. I took pictures but i'll spare you the sicko gore this time. So after i killed it, I went in the house to tell Happy how sad i was. She tried to placate me with talk of a Snake Heaven and i still felt awful. Didn't it hear me coming? I wasn't going fast at all because i was tired. Then to make matters even more disgusting (as only Nature can), I look out the window and there goes a big ole carnivorous bird. Swoopin' about. It ate my dead snake.
After Church on Easter Sunday we went to Dolores Park and hung out with some very bitchen drag queens.
The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence (and i think - Graciousness) were so kind and sweet to us! When i asked if i could take a polaroid of them they were not only very obliging...One of them even gave Pop-pops a butterfly pin from her frilly screaming yellow outfit. The Hunky Jesus contest was hilarious. It took me almost all day to figure out that I might have been FLIRTING! I just thought the women there were Extra extra friendly and that they musta thought Pop-pops was really really cute (which he is). I had a Fabulous time. It was Spectacular. I was totally inspired and walked away thinking how fun it would be to dress up in drag and spend a day cavorting around Outrageously.
i brought some of my mom's home made tortillas, beans and sopita....i wish i could make a food delivery/visit a weekly thing (daily in a big wish). Honestly, he doesn't get enough to eat [and that just kills me]. On Tuesdays and Thursdays he makes himself PB&J sandwhiches grabs a yogurt and RICE CAKES for cryin' out loud! THAT's ALL he eats all day!!!What the hell kinda diet is that?!? And these are the days that he is Workin' like a slave for California Overnight delivering packages in the Financial District. San Francisco is the only city where California Overnight has walkers and my G. is one of 'em. The rest of the mail that gets sent thru California Overnight gets delivered in Trucks. But SF is so crazy with the hills and the steeepiness of it all that a truck can't get the job done efficiently. But my G. can. And he does. I admire that in him.
There are times when my art as therapy gets gory and messy and i dye things bloody red.
I saw my heart out....roughly - with a wide tooth bladed jigsaw and i use only the most coarse sandpaper. Take a rasp to it( a big heavy rusty one).Then i Boil my heart in scarlet powdered dye & salt....after that, my heart of hearts get lined up all in a row for posterity. I don't know how it does, but this works for me.Every time. I can depend on it. Art as therapy is balmy like that. I can depend on a session like this to make myself feel better about Anything. Plus, there's a kind of death sentence mood hovering 'round here and i might as well be out in my own backyard while i still have it - doing what i Dig doing.
The weatherman said the winds would reach 60 miles an hour....which is a big deal around here. The storm came at night so the house rattled and shook in the dark. I was facing the big arched windows when i heard a thunderous CRrr-u-nCH! and then SNAP!....i thought maybe a big branch had fallen off the ginourmous black walnut tree. The next morning i checked on it, first thing. Well, there it stood....as big and unbroken as ever
There was a crow pointing in the direction of something else entirely. The Big ole Cypress that used to stand like this
Fell like this. In the way back corner of the back yard...it fell to the ground. I wasn't expecting to see it just laying there. There was something dead beastly about it. Poor tree. It's upstanding, shade giving days are over and i somehow know how that feels.